Urns and Underwear
I received a lot of positive feedback on my last post so I would like to think it confirms I’m not crazy. But even though this post is meant to lighten the mood, here I am again swimming in thoughts that make me wonder…
Cremation is an interesting thing. You honor your loved ones wishes and have them cremated. Then what? If they have ideas for their ashes, you fulfill them. Spread my ashes at Mt. Hood, a little in Port A, maybe San Fran where we spent our summers? But not if you’re me, David’s ashes are still sitting on the dresser. So then I was left with, what now? Maybe cremation is just too many emotions for me. Yes, I know I tend to overthink things but I never dreamed of having my husband’s ashes sit on my dresser, in a box, trying to figure out what to do next. At first I had all these plans: honor his wishes, plant a tree and mix the ashes in, etc. etc. etc. But guess what? His ashes are still here, sitting in the same box.
I couldn’t even fathom the idea of looking at his ashes, much less getting them out and spreading them ANYWHERE! So I decided If the ashes were going to be here, it deserves more than a black box. I set out on a quest to get the perfect urn.
I have zero experience in urn shopping, so of course I trust Amazon to know just what I need. I actually searched “What urn would David like?” and that was interesting. I think they had the wrong David because he would not have liked any of those. So I finally had to do this myself. I narrowed it down to black, his favorite color, and something nice but simple. It only took me about 2 weeks of looking to finally go back to the first one I saw. That is how my life works: I think I can make all these decisions and I can’t.
After selecting what I thought would be the perfect urn, I clicked “add to cart” and felt a sense of accomplishment. But then I started thinking, “what else do I need? I might as well get a few things in one order.” The only thing I could think of was new underwear. I shuddered at the thought because the LAST time I ordered underwear online it was a nightmare that I only choose to relive now because I know you are curious.
I remember it like it was yesterday, it was August 2017 and I was getting ready to start teaching. I needed rain boots for my new career and found some online. Then I thought “what else do I need? I might as well get a few things in one order” So I ordered underwear too. A few days later I was notified the package was delivered and I checked the porch, nothing. I waited a day and nothing. So I got online to report my package lost and that is when I saw it: I forgot to change the address!! This meant that my boots and underwear went to my old address, strangers of a sort that knew who I was. I PANICKED!! The thought of the guy opening the package and thinking “is your mother sending packages to our house now?” or “she must be into comfort, not style,” or “wow, what a deal! Buy 6 get 2 free.” What a nightmare!
Under normal situations such as this (yes this is somewhat normal for me) I would merely tell David to run by and pick this up without mentioning my dilemma. But of course David was out of town and I was on my own. So I ventured to my old address, knocked on the door, introduced myself to the new owners and asked if a package arrived for me while praying fervently that they did not accidentally open it. Luckily, they hadn’t. The guy was just getting ready to take it back to the post office so it all worked out. And my secret was safe, I never told David. Did I mention that David had two pet names for me? One was Babe and the other Dork. You can guess which one this would have been!! Lol On a side note, I loved what they did with the house!
So in my endeavor to move past my fears and prove I am brave, I added underwear to this order. I am not sure Amazon has ever seen that combination before, urns and underwear, but they really don’t know me anyway. I mean they couldn’t even tell me what urn David would like when I searched it, so whatever.
The package arrived and I apprehensively opened it because it just felt weird. However, the urn was beautiful and I decided it was perfect. But…..where was the underwear? Since I had just recently moved to my apartment, a thought struck me that oops! I did it again!! Could that happen twice? Or worse, did the underwear go to one of my 729 new neighbors in the apartment complex? I am not going to lie, I thought about packing up and moving during the night.
Fortunately that did not happen and the underwear showed up a few days later. I immediately brought the box inside to safety and breathed a sigh of relief. Overcoming your fears is empowering!!
After a few days I decided it was time to take out David’s ashes for the first time and put them in the urn. I set the urn on the dresser beside him and talked myself up, telling me how far I have come and I can do this. I carefully took his ashes out of the box that were in the same plastic bag they came in. It was not as painful as I thought it was going to be since I told myself he would have liked this urn. So I opened the lid of the urn to lovingly put his ashes inside and guess what?? HE DIDN”T FIT!! That’s not possible. David was not a big guy so imagine my shock when he didn’t fit. I won’t go into great detail about trying to get the ashes into the urn but it involved more thought than should have been allowed. And yes, I could have opened the bag and poured them in. But don’t you think if I could have opened that bag I would have probably spread his ashes as he wanted?? So after a few days of trying I finally gave up and decided to return the urn.
Now back to the underwear. This was going to be a much easier situation: remove from the package, wash, wear. The first two steps went great, the third one not so much. THE UNDERWEAR DIDN’T FIT EITHER!! What?? I didn’t even have to ask the age old question, “do these make my A$$ look big?” It was more like “does my A$$ make this underwear look small?” So obviously since I couldn’t return them, I added them to the pile of “don’t get rid of those clothes, you will wear them someday. If not, someone will inherit new underwear.” The good news is I actually lost weight and wore those clothes, another story for another time
Now I guess you are wondering what happened to David’s ashes? They are still in the same box on my dresser. I have decided there is no time frame for finding the right time to do something with them. It is a process just like every other part of grief. And if all else fails I will have them put in the coffin with me when I leave this earth (stay tuned for another funny story about putting things in coffins). I have come so far but have so far to go, the ashes will just have to wait until the time is right for me….
