The Greatest Love I Ever Found
When I think of my love story I always smile a bit. Mostly on the inside, but it manages to spill out onto my face and make my eyes sparkle. Or that’s how it feels anyway. Like if you look deep enough into that sparkle you will see the light that shines for the greatest love I have ever found.
There is some back story to David and I finding each other. Or I should say finding each other again since we went to Jr. High and High School together. But we never dated, never really hung out, were pretty much acquaintances in different social circles that would occasionally collide into a good time. The odds of us ending up together was a unique situation of non-coincidence timing ( I don’t believe in coincidences) and a plan bigger than our own.
I was married before David and I don’t talk much about that part of my life for many reasons but mainly it isn’t worth the breath it takes. I only share that part of my life with people I think it will help or people that find themselves in a similar situation. It left me emotionally, physically and mentally beat down to the point I didn’t recognize myself anymore. So when it was over I was in no hurry to date again and DEFINITELY not planning on getting married for a long time if ever. I spent the first few years focusing on being a single mom, providing the best I could for my kids and just trying to survive.
In 2004, my son was in his second year of college and my daughter was a High School Senior when I decided to move back to Burleson because it wasn’t so remote and there were lots of things to do. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for but was told to pray specifically for the house I wanted. So I did: 3 bedroom, 2 bath, 2 car garage, brick home on a quiet street. I didn’t really ask the Lord how I could afford this but I prayed it anyway. And my prayers were answered with: 3 bedroom, 1 ½ bath, 1 car garage, brick front home on the busiest street in Burleson!! Lol It was my Grandpa’s home that had been empty since he passed in 98 so it needed a lot of work. And it was a good deal, all 998 sq ft of it! But I loved that house and spent four years there soul searching and rediscovering who I was and who I could be. It was hard but it was worth it. I realized how low my self esteem had been most of my life and that I was my biggest critic instead of my biggest fan. On the occasions I should have celebrated my successes, I beat myself up for my failures instead. I never felt good about myself. I also realized I had never really chased a dream, never had the confidence to stand up for myself and never felt right just being who I wanted to be. I lived each day waiting for the next bad thing to happen since they happened so often in my life I couldn’t even focus on the good. Enough was enough.
I went back to college during this time and it gave me a new sense of purpose. I was also doing mission work and realizing just how blessed I was to have the things that were provided to me, no matter how small. Little by little I fell in love with my new life and looked forward to every day. Slowly my mindset started to change and I saw things about me I kind of liked. I was excelling in college and would eventually graduate Summa Cum Laude at the age of 48! I loved mission work and the freedom I had to go where I wanted in the world and see what I wanted to see. I also had a son graduating college soon and I knew that house would not be big enough for the three of us so I found myself on the house hunt again.
My younger brother was buying a bigger home and he gave me a great deal on the house he had. It happened to be across the street from our other brother so this was going to be interesting to say the least! I had just spent four years a block away from my parents and now I would be across from my brother. Lol But I was excited because I have always liked his house. I ended up selling my little house to a female in a similar situation that I had left: bad marriage she dug herself out of and was able to buy her first home on her own. I was so excited that I cleaned that house as if I was going to move back in because I wanted it to be her safe haven as it had been mine.
We closed on New Year’s Eve 2008 and I remember it was late when I finished cleaning. I walked all the empty rooms of that little house praying and thanking God for blessing me with it. I prayed a prayer of thanks for the new, bigger house and I remember ending the prayer with these words, “Lord, I love you and I can honestly say for the first time in my life I love me too. I love who I am and I love the life you have given me. If I am meant to be alone the rest of my life I am good with that. Because I can finally honestly say that I love just being me.” And I was at peace.
The next day when I woke up in my new home I made some coffee and sat on the fireplace hearth. And as I looked around it hit me: my house was a 3 bedroom, 2 bath, 2 car garage, brick home on a quiet street with MANY more things I didn’t even ask for!! The magnitude of this made me smile that sparkly eyed smile and I knew my prayer had been answered: in His time not mine.
Also, almost exactly one month after moving into this house is when David came back into my life. I already shared I knew early on that he was the person I was meant to be with and now I knew God never intended me to be alone. It was then I realized I had to fall in love with myself before I could fall in love with anyone else. God saved the best for last so I would recognize true love when it knocked on my door….LITERALLY!!
My love story with David is always my favorite story to tell. But it would not have been possible without the greatest love I have ever found, THE LOVE FOR MYSELF. That love has brought me through the darkness after losing David and that love is what pushes me each day to chase those dreams again. That love makes me my biggest fan since David and my mom are both gone. And that love still makes my eyes twinkle, my lips curl into a smile and my heart happy all at the same time 🙂 Do I still struggle? Of course I do, Satan has a way of finding that weak moment to tell me I am nothing and not worthy. But when I pray to see myself as God sees me, I learn to love myself, over and over and over again 🙂
