New Beginnings and New Life

My last post was created on the morning of the third anniversary of David’s death. In my post I promised to write about that day at a later time. This is because the usual God nudge suggested that the story would come later…and it did.

If you read my last post you know that each year at approximately 5:30 (near the time of David’s death) I have had a revelation, rude awakening, and/or some sort of inner peace. Year one I realized this was my life now and it was hard, a huge reality check going forward, or backwards which is what happened at that point. I found myself in the fetal position full of fear and despair. Year two revealed that I would never have new pictures of David, another harsh reality check. But it also gave me David style comfort and peace when I saw the heart shaped cloud in the sky. It made me realize that I can do life without him whether I want to or not. I knew then God had plans for this tired mind and withered heart and I felt a little sense of hope. And on the third anniversary, He did not disappoint…

A lot of emotions built up to that day, August 9,2023 and I was already down and dreading it. Hurtful things happened earlier in the week that I shouldn’t have let bother me but of course when emotions are in charge nothing is as it seems. On this day, I had to do Professional Development all day which meant I had to try and clear my head to learn, which also meant being around people, which meant I had to pretend to smile, which meant someone was going to notice since I smile most of the time, which meant I was going to have to tell them about the anniversary, which meant sad eyes and hugs, which meant I was going to cry. And it happened just like that, many times. Thankfully it was mostly my work friends that noticed and the hugs were sincere and welcomed. I let tears roll down my face but I did not allow myself to really cry hard and lay on the floor for fear someone would think I lost my mind. However, looking back, it would have gotten me out of Professional Development for the day. Too bad I wasn’t thinking clearly at the time! But it also would have changed the course of my day and the blessing would have been missed.

At lunchtime I went with coworkers to eat and in the middle of lunch my son called. He is also a teacher and I knew he was at work so I thought it was an emergency. When I answered he indicated I had called him and we realized it was an accident. However it really wasn’t an accident because he had some news to share that we had been waiting on. It was not supposed to come for another week or so but it “just happened” to come on that day. And I “just happened” to butt dial him and he “just happened” to have time to call back. If you still think this was all a coincidence, keep reading.

My son and daughter in law are mostly private people and I respect that. So I asked permission before I wrote this post. There is a backstory to this moment that is not my story to tell, but it is their own story of faith and hope. I will only share my part of the story and how it impacted that day. You see I was planning a Christmas trip to Disneyworld and we decided to move it to the twins' fifth birthday in July. As we all know Disney is not cheap but it is something David had wanted to do with the grandkids so I made it happen. I jokingly told friends that as soon as I booked this trip, everyone that COULD get pregnant WOULD get pregnant! And yep! Shortly after booking, my daughter announced they were expecting a baby in December and I was elated at the news for two reasons: I love grandbabies and now I could ride all the rides while she sat with the twins…lol. I can’t describe my excitement at the new life for our family.

A few days before the trip we were having a family fun day and my son pulled me aside to talk to me about a hiccup in the Disney plans. I thought it might be financial or something but he told me Aubrey just found out she was pregnant!! I literally laughed out loud at my prediction coming true. But I was also nervous at the same time because of past events. So on my way home I started to pray for God’s will, healthy baby, everything I could think of. And then it happened: a cardinal flew in front of my windshield out of nowhere. Not up high but right in front of my eyes where I could see him. A tear rolled down my cheek and at that time I felt peace about the news. Those that know me know that cardinals are my thing and at that moment it was just what I needed.

So fast forward back to August 9th and the butt dial moment. While I had my son on the phone at lunch time, he told me that the results of Aubrey’s bloodwork (baby related) came in a week early and they had just gotten them. Still think coincidence?? Okay, keep playing!! I told him not to tell me yet and I wanted to wait until I got home so I could Facetime. I told him I wanted to put on my gender reveal shirt that I only got to wear once for his sister’s gender reveal. I told him I would be home by 4:15 and I could change and be ready by 4:16 so they could call then. He is used to my crazy thoughts and plans so he agreed to call later when I was home. And yes, this made me smile most of the rest of the day.

As promised, I sped home and was ready for the news by 4:19 (I had to make a bathroom stop so I was late). I texted him to let him know and to my surprise he told me Aubrey had to run to the store and they would Facetime when she got home. What?? How dare she take care of their needs while I was waiting in anticipation!! Lol So I kept busy until they called.

If you have been following along you probably guessed what time they called: yep!! 5:30ish. This was not planned, it “just happened”. And they revealed that all the bloodwork came back low risk and the baby was fine. The pain in my heart created for this day slowly melted as I made room for God’s newest blessing to take its place. I am smiling now through happy tears thinking how much He loves us and how He turned the worst moment of my life into one of comfort and peace.

“Fetal position” has taken on a whole new meaning for August 9th as I now know part of God’s plan for my future. With TWO more grandbabies on the way my life will overflow with happy times and wonderful memories. I do wish David could be here to share these joys with me since being GranDavid was his favorite thing in the world. But I remind myself that he is here because he lives on through these new lives. I also remind myself that maybe he met these two little ones like he did Walker and they already know him. I am sure he would tell them how lucky they are that God chose their parents just for them, and how much fun they will have with Kennadi, Bryce and Drew, and Walker when he comes home. I am sure he would tell them that their Gramma already loves them with her whole heart and even though she is quirky, can be a dork, and sings way too loud, she will sit on the floor and play with them and sing to them and hold them like the precious gifts they are.

So the only thing I could think to end this post is a prayer of thanks:

Thank you Lord for revealing things in your time and not mine. Thank you for all the blessings you pour down upon us. Thank you for showing me the smile through the tears and the hope for the future. And thank you for revealing to me that I am to share my story with others so maybe they will have hope as well. In your precious name, Amen.